Rant

I’ve been trying to write a blog post since June. Mostly because I want you to know that Mia is stable; she’s feeling quite well.  The humidity of the Summer & September really had a terrible effect on her, we were so thankful when it was finally finished.  It’s an awful feeling when all you can do is sit by as the humidity relentlessly makes every single one of her PH symptoms go from bad to worse. I’m hoping with the end of summer that these feelings of anger and jealousy will go away as well. Yes, I admit it, I’ve felt that way. Sometimes I do feel sorry for myself as I grieve for the life that I thought we’d have. And yes, it is often hard to be on the outside looking in at everybody else out enjoying the warmth, the water, the beach and everything else that makes summer so great; ’cause we weren’t. I’m sure that I’ll feel differently time, but right now I don’t. Right now it just sucks. So, what were we doing? 

We were carrying Mia up the stairs to avoid the chest pains she suffers when she walks up the stairs by herself. And we trying to avoid the heart palpitations that were so thunderous I didn’t even have to be touching her skin to feel them. We were also trying to adjust and live thru my being diagnosed with BiPolar Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety & Chronic Depression. I now have 4 more reasons to hate PH; They say my diagnoses are a result of Mia’s diagnosis. And trust me, developing and living with a mental illness is no picnic for me or my family.  This summer was tough and it was only with help and support that we survived it at all. Truth is we were struggling in every single way possible; We Still Are. 

Hey, did you know just how much our mental health system sucks! Well it does.  It’s impossible to get anywhere; especially without a psychiatrist. Apparently there’s a shortage of them province wide. In York Region there’s not even a wait list to ask to be put on! Personally I think it’s horrendous but even more so, it’s dangerous (and more than a little scary)

On a brighter note: Mike deserves a Metal AND a Big Shiny Trophy for continuing to do literally everything to keep our heads above water. The most important thing to him is us; individually, as a couple and as a family. My man is amazing and he impresses me everyday.  I can truly say he’s my Hero, my Prince Charming & my White Knight all rolled into one.  Where would I be without My Mikey, he rescues me Daily and without him, I’d be nowhere. 

Oh!! And no one is sleeping around here either… like Ev-er! But on the positive side: We’ll look like real Zombies just in time for Halloween! 

So there’s your update. It’s not frilly or exciting… but it’s honest 💜

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7 thoughts on “Rant

  1. I love you. And everything is awful and tough and I wish I could fix it and I can’t. I am here, whenever and wherever. The tunnel is a long one and you are smack in the middle. If you need a break from reality, which is all I can really offer, let me now.

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  2. While I’m not happy for what you deal with everyday, my heart is happy to know that your hubby has been holding you up through all the pain. Hugs to you pretty lady.

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  3. Love and hugs to you and your family. You are truly an amazing woman. You are living a mother’s worst nightmare, not being able to cure Mia.
    Stay strong however you need to do it. If it means taking meds or seeing a councillor than so be it.
    I pray daily for you and your family. I am to far away to help in any other way except spread the word on this horrible disease.
    Love you Chris, take care of yourself.

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  4. Keep relying on your faith, family and friends who have your back. The rest of us will be praying. Keep ranting and being honest. Blessings.

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  5. Thank you for your honesty. Life is always a challenge and often more than we can cope with. I am also thankful for your strong family support. I am and will continue to pray for Mia.

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  6. I am so proud of my family and how they face trials with courage. I am thankful for the support they get from friends and especially parents on both sides. My thanks and admiration for Michael through these testing times that he has come through with flying coiours, to loyal little Allie and,again to very caring and loyal grandparents and aunts, and uncles; how can one ever not admire the courage and lack of self pity that Mia has shown. This whole Berdan family and larger family are amazing, just amazing. Finally – we’ll never be able to describe the brilliance of Christie whose sturdy learning of PH and ability to master techniques of physically caring for her little patient with medical routines, and her brilliant study of things like oxygen requirements, injections, etc, and close observation of Mia’s needs. There has been much prayer for this family and I know all is going to be well. PTL!

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    1. This family is strong primarily because you and Jerry have given them a wonderful example of how to live through difficult and challenging times.

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