Update: Serenity Now would love to introduce: ‘Waxing Wednesdays!’ (with a portion of profits benefiting Pulmonary Hypertension Association of Canada) Text me if you need to be ‘de-furred’ 🙀 9057171613
Original Post: So if I am to be completely honest about my feelings, and I’ve been trying to be… I feel at this moment in time that I need to be quite inwardly focussed. It’s only been 6 months since I found out that my baby has a progressive lung disorder that is affecting her heart. I have to try to figure out how to wrap my head around that it IS terminal and right now there is no cure. That’s a helluva blow; certainly one I never expected that we were ever going to have to take… yet here we are.
The numb stage has ended and now we’re left to figure out how we are going to live our life in a whole new and completely different way. It’s not going to be a ‘New Normal’ – because when it comes to PH there IS no such thing as ‘Normal’. I use to be able to multi-task like a champion; now I can barely think and I’m on call 24 hours a day… when am I supposed to figure this out?
With that being said, I think gonna stop working for a little while. I’m not worried that I’m irreplaceable, people can have their fingers and toes done anywhere. However I also know that people come to ‘Serenity Now! Spa’ because they enjoy my company and I love that, I really really do… and this is why this is decision is so hard. I just don’t have the energy most of the time, I feel like I’m already running on an empty tank. And right now, with whatever energy that I do have, I have to be able to focus on what is most important: Mia and Allie and Mike. And me. I have to take care of me.
My job takes more energy than you’d probably think. I mean it certainly isn’t a difficult job, but it can be quite emotionally taxing. It’s not always easy to be happy, talkative and personable all day, while I listen and talk with my clients about their lives, trying to rack my brain to help them figure it out… I’ve always loved talking to all kinds of different people and learning from their experiences. I refuse to give my clients less than what they’ve come to expect from me at Serenity Now! I care too much about the business and relationships that I have built because of it. My clients are more than just clients to me. We share our lives. And besides – I try not to do anything 1/2 assed. It’s not going to be a forever thing, I promise… just until I have had a singular focus for long enough to figure out what the Berdan-Clan needs to survive this diagnosis as a family.
Sadly I know that I’m taking a risk of losing my whole client base and essentially losing my entire business, but as a family, we need to be able to move forward, and right now the only thing I have to talk about is Pulmonary Hypertension or Mia’s pain, or hospital visits and Doctor speak – and I don’t have it in me to talk about it and explain it again and again and again… I can’t live in that headspace while trying to survive a life that I didn’t ask for, that is not only really really hard, but it makes me experience my initial heart break too many times and too often. I’m really not in an emotional state where I can do that right now, I just need time to think, to figure shit out and do try some trouble shooting. Aaaaaand then I’ll be back ✨